Viewer Mail

Dear Mr. E
My computer is slow as well.
You have a 'take charge' attitude
and it inspired me
to get a screwdriver
and open my computer.
I couldn't see a mouse
or a treadmill.
What should I do?
signed
Cecilia
Fort Worth, Texas

Cecilia
What should you do?
You should get with the times girl!
What's the brand name
on your computer?
Flintstones?

My computer is painfully slow today.
I opened the hood
and to my shock
No Mouse
No be back soon note
No cheese
Just a motionless
X-14 RAM Generator Treadmill

This is not good.

Mr. E
Ancient Mystery Solver

Going to the bathroom?
Again???
Do you think toilets grow on trees?

Packing for overnight trips
will never be the same


Mommy
where do toilets come from?
Go ask your dad sweetie

Is the wolf worried?
I think not.

My computer
is running slow today.
Being an expert technician
I opened the hood for a look.
To my surprise
my mouse is fast asleep
on the patented
X-14 RAM Generator Treadmill
(that I made just for him!)

Mr. E
waking the mouse

Whoa!
No one told me about this!

He is coming!
Those wearing his
hats shirts underpants
Shall have no fear

Breakfast Time!
grrr!

Campbell's Cream of Bad Caveman?
What the hell is
Cream of Bad Caveman?
Whatever it is, it'll be good for you.
Check the Bad Caveman link
over there on the right
for real
real cool
Bad Caveman
stuff
Mr. E

Whatcha gonna do
when he comes
for you?

Viewer Mail

Dear Mr. E
I will buy something from
your Bad Caveman shop
IF
You give me a good
Booger Recipe
signed
Dylan
Camrose, Alberta

Listen Dylan
I know this site
is loaded with nonsense
but I really want viewers to
click on the
Bad Caveman
link and check out my shop
Still
I like your funky style
so I'll grant your
ridiculous request

Boogers in a Hurry
(serves one)
Open a can of
Campbell's Cream of Booger soup
Eat the soup
right out of the can
Wash down with
two Popesicles

Bon Apetit!
Click on the Caveman link
Mr. E
Quite the Chef

Viewer Mail

Mr. E
You seem like a smart guy.
What are boogers made of
and what are they for?
signed
Tyler
Burnaby, British Columbia

OK Tyler
We have boogers so we can
ball them up and flick them
at our sisters.
Seriously
Boogers are made out of mucus.
Mucus is a gross sounding word.
Boogers trap things
from the air
so they don't go into
our lungs.
So boogers are finally made of
mucus and dirt and pollen
and stuff like that.
Are you happy now?
I was just about to make lunch.
Don't flick boogers at your sister.
Mr. E

Viewer Mail

Dear Mr. E
In that picture about
Jesus walking on Walter
Walter looks a lot like my friend
Jimmy V
Is it him?
signed
Dave O
Dunville, Ontario

Dear Dave
That picture was made
long before you
or Jimmy V
was born

Rock the House
Mr. E

Always Stand Tall
Mr. E

Dear Mr. E
This
Before and After
picture of moi
shows exactly what a pair
of Bad Caveman underpants
can do for a girl.
Thank-you
I love you
Pam Anderson Rock

If you really loved me
you'd be
Pam Anderson E
(if I really loved you)
(underpants look great)
Mr. E

Dear Mr. E
In 2001
I purchased a first-run
Bad Caveman hat.
I accredit much of my success
in film
and with women
to that hat.
When I NEED to think about
important things
KNOW
what is on my head.
Always
Steven

Never underestimate
the power of
the great hat
Mr. E

Did you know

By simply wearing a
Bad Caveman
golf shirt
your drives will increase
by up to 100 yards
in distance
and up to 100%
in accuracy

Make a statement on the course
and in life
Mr. E

Suddenly Available

Black
Bad Caveman
t-shirt

Click on the
Bad Caveman
link to view

Rock Out
like nobody's business
with
Mr. E

Dear Mr. E
The Bad Caveman Cape
fills my heart with Mojo
Thank-you
The Pope

Viewer Mail

Dear Mr. E
What's your real name
like, on your birth certificate?
signed
Graciela
Thunder Bay, Ontario

Legal Documents
Still the Best
When you Need the Facts

Mr. E
is in the t-shirt business

On the right
you'll find a link
(in the 'links' section)
that says
Bad Caveman

Click on it immediately!

The fashion sense
of the free world
Totally
depends on it

Scholars continue to contest
the accuracy of
Biblical Translation.
Many believe
that Jesus
Did Not
Walk on Water.
Research leads them
to believe
instead
that one day
at the beach
Jesus walked on Walter

Carbon-dated cave drawing
depicting Jesus
Walking on Walter
Mr. E
Never fearing
the truth

Vegetarian mosquito?
I'm all for it!
Mr. E

Hmmm
I'm no politician
but I'm pretty sure
most of those answers
are correct

This one's for Rodger
Because I know
he's going to send
a picture of a melon

Viewer Mail

Mr. E
I felt compelled
to send you a picture
of an antelope.
I trust it will shed light
on your senseless
manipulation of meaning.
signed
Rodger
Toronto Zoo

Rodger
Thanks for the letter
and the picture.
You've been a big help.
Really.
Just remember:
My work is not senseless.
It's nonsense.
There's a BIG difference.
Stick to your zoo work
and leave the nonsense
to trained professionals
like
Mr. E

Milkmen
Responsible for 51% of all divorces
Maybe I shouldn't drink
so much of the stuff
Mr. E

Now those
are some really big ant hills!
And this picture
is really big nonsense!
Mr. E
Nonsense to the Max
Guaranteed

Viewer Mail

Dear Mr. E
I typed your name into my computer
and found this picture.
Is it really you?
You look really strong!
signed
Layla
Seal Rock Oregon

Dear Layla
That is not a picture of me.
I do not know
who that strong person is
but if your computer
said it was Mr. E
he is possibly a
Mr. E impersonator
and I pity the fool
who impersonates
Mr. E

Mr. E
Often impersonated
Never duplicated

Man
No wait ... Soup
No ... Man

Another one from The Archives
to help
Beat the Heat!

Hurry up in there!

Drink Milk Pardner!
Mr. E

This guy has some serious moves!
(Just like Mr. E)

I'm full
and my lips feel awesome!

International
Be Nice to a Moose
Day

Mastercard
will get you lots of stuff
For everything else
there's
Nothing But Nonsense

From The Archives
to promote
Youth Business Week

Flies have little
or no sense of time.
I feel little
or no sense of remorse
when I kill them.

Dangerous Mr. E

Smile for Mr. E

Mastercard
will get you lots of stuff
For everything else
there's
Nothing But Nonsense

Mastercard
will get you lots of stuff
For everything else
there's
Nothing But Nonsense

Membership has Privilege
Fill out the application
Today

Dear Mr. E
Sometimes my
nonsense cravings
are really strong
but I can't get to a computer
right away to visit your site.
What can I do?
signed
Abe


Tough question Abe
but an easy answer!
Lucky for you

I've created

available in
Slightly Silly
Regular Strength
and
Totally Whacked Right Out

Dear Mr. E
As I write to you
my aging father is in the kitchen
boiling a pot of
bamboo shish kebab skewers.
Help!
signed
Annabelle
Toronto, Ontario


Dear Annabelle
This is EXACTLY the reason
aging fathers should visit
Nothing But Nonsense
EVERY DAY!
Unplug the stove
without him noticing.
Order Chinese Food.
signed
your friendly neighborhood
Mr. E

The Barry Manilow of Nonsense
Mr. E

Who said
Eat the Rich?
I'm going for lunch.
Hold my calls
Mr. E

On my way to the office tonight
many Italians
blew their horns and waved flags

I was inspired
to write a song

Who let the Italians out?
Who? Who? Who?
(repeat 100 times)

This is the
Nothing But Nonsense
Office Tower

It is easily identifiable

The pointy thing at the top
ensures it is not a
phallic symbol

The NBN Tower
is 44 storeys

My office is the 44th floor

The is first
Nothing But Nonsense
Corporate Office
1979

This is the photo of the day

Mr. E
knows it is dangerous
to kill crows

How the hell did you take off?

Nonsense Air Pilots
Second to None!

The pit crew rushes over as
Car 13 runs out of gas.
Only a handful of race fans remain.
Engines continue to rev wildly
at the starting line
as we enter hour sixteen
of the
Daytona 500

If the wheel wasn't invented II
Hug your tires today!
Mr. E